Today, by myself, twelve people I've beaten.
From the size of your gut I'd guess they were eaten.
I've got muscles in places you've never even heard of.
It's too bad none of them are in your arms.
Give up now, or I'll crush you like a grape!
I would if it would stop your WINE-ING.
My ninety-eight year old grandmother has bigger arms than you!
Yeah, but we both got better bladder control than you do.
I'm going to put your arm in a sling!
Why, ya studying to be a nurse?
My stupefying strength will shatter your ulna into a million pieces!
I'm surprised you can count that high!
Hey, look over there!
Yeah, yeah I know: it's a three headed monkey.
Your knuckles I'll grind to a splintery paste.
I thought that the been dip had a strange taste.
Your arms are no bigger than fleas that I've met!
So THAT'S why you're scratching. I'd go see a vet.
People consider my fists lethal weapons!
Sadly, your breath should be equally reckoned.
Only once have I met such a coward!
He must have taught you everything you know.
You're the ugliest creature I've ever seen in my life.
I'm shocked that you've never gazed at your wife.
My forearms have been mistaken for tree trunks!
An over-the-counter defoliant could help with that problem.
I've out-wrestled octopi with these arms!
I'm sure that spineless creatures everywhere are humbled by your might.
Do I see quivers of agony dance on your lip?
It's laughter that's caused by your feathery grip.
The Curse of Monkey Island Insults - Captain Rottingham
My attacks have left entire islands depopulated!
With your breath, I'm sure they all suffocated.
You have the sex appeal of a shar-pei!
I look that much like your fiancée?
When I'm done, your body will be rotted and putrefied!
Then killing you must be justifiable fungicide.
Your looks would make pigs nauseated!
If you don't count all the ones you've dated.
Your lips look like they belong on the catch of the day!
When I'm done with you, you'll be a boneless filet.
I give you a choice. You can be gutted, or decapitated!
With you around, I'd rather be fumigated.
Never before have I faced someone so sissified!
Is that your face? I thought it was your backside.
You're a disgrace to your species, you're so undignified!
At least mine can be identified.
Nothing can stop me from blowing you away!
I could, if you would use some breath spray.
I have never lost a melee!
You would have, but you were always running away.
Your mother wears a toupee!
Oh, that is so cliché.
My skills with a sword are highly venerated!
Too bad they're all fabricated.
Your stench would make an outhouse cleaner irritated!
Then perhaps you should switch to decaffeinated.
I can't tell which of my traits have you the most intimidated!
Your odor alone makes me aggravated, agitated, and infuriated
Nothing on this earth can save your sorry hide!
The only way you'll be preserved is in formaldehyde
You'll find I'm dogged and relentless to my prey!
Then be a good dog, Sit! Stay!
With your breath, I'm sure they all suffocated.
You have the sex appeal of a shar-pei!
I look that much like your fiancée?
When I'm done, your body will be rotted and putrefied!
Then killing you must be justifiable fungicide.
Your looks would make pigs nauseated!
If you don't count all the ones you've dated.
Your lips look like they belong on the catch of the day!
When I'm done with you, you'll be a boneless filet.
I give you a choice. You can be gutted, or decapitated!
With you around, I'd rather be fumigated.
Never before have I faced someone so sissified!
Is that your face? I thought it was your backside.
You're a disgrace to your species, you're so undignified!
At least mine can be identified.
Nothing can stop me from blowing you away!
I could, if you would use some breath spray.
I have never lost a melee!
You would have, but you were always running away.
Your mother wears a toupee!
Oh, that is so cliché.
My skills with a sword are highly venerated!
Too bad they're all fabricated.
Your stench would make an outhouse cleaner irritated!
Then perhaps you should switch to decaffeinated.
I can't tell which of my traits have you the most intimidated!
Your odor alone makes me aggravated, agitated, and infuriated
Nothing on this earth can save your sorry hide!
The only way you'll be preserved is in formaldehyde
You'll find I'm dogged and relentless to my prey!
Then be a good dog, Sit! Stay!
The Curse of Monkey Island Insults - Fighting pirates
Every enemy I have met, I've annihilated!
With your breath, I'm sure they all suffocated.
You're as repulsive as a monkey in a negligee!
I look that much like your fiancée?
Killing you would be justifiable homicide!
Then killing you must be justifiable fungicide.
You're the ugliest monster ever created!
If you don't count all the ones you've dated.
I'll skewer you like a sow at a buffet!
When I'm done with you, you'll be a boneless filet.
Would you like to be buried, or cremated?
With you around, I'd rather be fumigated.
Coming face to face with me must leave you petrified!
Is that your face? I thought it was your backside.
When your father first saw you, he must have been mortified!
At least mine can be identified.
You can't match my witty repartee!
I could, if you would use some breath spray.
I have never seen such clumsy swordplay!
You would have, but you were always running away.
En Garde! Touché!
Oh, that is so cliché.
Throughout the Caribbean, my great deeds are celebrated!
Too bad they're all fabricated.
I can't rest 'til' you've been exterminated!
Then perhaps you should switch to decaffeinated.
I'll leave you devastated, mutilated, and perforated!
Your odor alone makes me aggravated, agitated, and infuriated
Heaven preserve me! You look like something that's died!
The only way you'll be preserved is in formaldehyde
I'll hound you night and day!
Then be a good dog, Sit! Stay!
With your breath, I'm sure they all suffocated.
You're as repulsive as a monkey in a negligee!
I look that much like your fiancée?
Killing you would be justifiable homicide!
Then killing you must be justifiable fungicide.
You're the ugliest monster ever created!
If you don't count all the ones you've dated.
I'll skewer you like a sow at a buffet!
When I'm done with you, you'll be a boneless filet.
Would you like to be buried, or cremated?
With you around, I'd rather be fumigated.
Coming face to face with me must leave you petrified!
Is that your face? I thought it was your backside.
When your father first saw you, he must have been mortified!
At least mine can be identified.
You can't match my witty repartee!
I could, if you would use some breath spray.
I have never seen such clumsy swordplay!
You would have, but you were always running away.
En Garde! Touché!
Oh, that is so cliché.
Throughout the Caribbean, my great deeds are celebrated!
Too bad they're all fabricated.
I can't rest 'til' you've been exterminated!
Then perhaps you should switch to decaffeinated.
I'll leave you devastated, mutilated, and perforated!
Your odor alone makes me aggravated, agitated, and infuriated
Heaven preserve me! You look like something that's died!
The only way you'll be preserved is in formaldehyde
I'll hound you night and day!
Then be a good dog, Sit! Stay!
The Secret of Monkey Island Insults - Melee Island
You fight like a dairy farmer.
How appropriate. You fight like a cow.
This is the END for you, you gutter-crawling cur!
And I´ve got a little TIP for you, get the POINT?
Soon you´ll be wearing my sword like a shish kebab!
First you better stop waiving it like a feather-duster.
My handkerchief will wipe up your blood!
So you got that job as janitor, after all.
People fall at my feet when they see me coming.
Even BEFORE they smell your breath?
I once owned a dog that was smarter then you.
He must have taught you everything you know.
You make me want to puke.
You make me think somebody already did.
Nobody´s ever drawn blood from me and no body ever will.
You run THAT fast?
I got this scar on my face during a mighty struggle!
I hope now you´ve learned to stop picking your nose.
Have you stopped wearing diapers yet?
Why, did you want to borrow one?
I´ve heard you were a contemptible sneak.
Too bad no one´s ever heard of YOU at all.
You´re no match for my brains, you poor fool.
I´d be in real trouble if you ever used them.
You have the manners of a begger.
I wanted to make sure you´d feel comfortable with me.
I´m not going to take your insolence sitting down!
Your hemorrhoids are flaring up again, eh?
There are no words for how disgusting you are.
Yes there are. You just never learned them.
I´ve spoken with apes more polite then you.
I´m glad to hear you attended your family reunion.
How appropriate. You fight like a cow.
This is the END for you, you gutter-crawling cur!
And I´ve got a little TIP for you, get the POINT?
Soon you´ll be wearing my sword like a shish kebab!
First you better stop waiving it like a feather-duster.
My handkerchief will wipe up your blood!
So you got that job as janitor, after all.
People fall at my feet when they see me coming.
Even BEFORE they smell your breath?
I once owned a dog that was smarter then you.
He must have taught you everything you know.
You make me want to puke.
You make me think somebody already did.
Nobody´s ever drawn blood from me and no body ever will.
You run THAT fast?
I got this scar on my face during a mighty struggle!
I hope now you´ve learned to stop picking your nose.
Have you stopped wearing diapers yet?
Why, did you want to borrow one?
I´ve heard you were a contemptible sneak.
Too bad no one´s ever heard of YOU at all.
You´re no match for my brains, you poor fool.
I´d be in real trouble if you ever used them.
You have the manners of a begger.
I wanted to make sure you´d feel comfortable with me.
I´m not going to take your insolence sitting down!
Your hemorrhoids are flaring up again, eh?
There are no words for how disgusting you are.
Yes there are. You just never learned them.
I´ve spoken with apes more polite then you.
I´m glad to hear you attended your family reunion.
The Secret of Monkey Island Insults - The training
This is the END for you, you gutter-crawling cur!
And I've got a little TIP for you, get the POINT?
Soon you'll be wearing my sword like a shish kebab!
First you better stop waiving it like a feather-duster.
My handkerchief will wipe up your blood!
So you got that job as janitor, after all.
People fall at my feet when they see me coming.
Even BEFORE they smell your breath?
I once owned a dog that was smarter then you.
He must have taught you everything you know.
You make me want to puke.
You make me think somebody already did.
Nobody's ever drawn blood from me and nobody ever will.
You run THAT fast?
You fight like a dairy farmer.
How appropriate. You fight like a cow.
I got this scar on my face during a mighty struggle!
I hope now you've learned to stop picking your nose.
Have you stopped wearing diapers yet?
Why, did you want to borrow one?
I've heard you were a contemptible sneak.
Too bad no one's ever heard of YOU at all.
You're no match for my brains, you poor fool.
I'd be in real trouble if you ever used them.
You have the manners of a beggar.
I wanted to make sure you'd feel comfortable with me.
I'm not going to take your insolence sitting down!
Your hemorrhoids are flaring up again, eh?
There are no words for how disgusting you are.
Yes there are. You just never learned them.
I've spoken with apes more polite then you.
I'm glad to hear you attended your family reunion.
And I've got a little TIP for you, get the POINT?
Soon you'll be wearing my sword like a shish kebab!
First you better stop waiving it like a feather-duster.
My handkerchief will wipe up your blood!
So you got that job as janitor, after all.
People fall at my feet when they see me coming.
Even BEFORE they smell your breath?
I once owned a dog that was smarter then you.
He must have taught you everything you know.
You make me want to puke.
You make me think somebody already did.
Nobody's ever drawn blood from me and nobody ever will.
You run THAT fast?
You fight like a dairy farmer.
How appropriate. You fight like a cow.
I got this scar on my face during a mighty struggle!
I hope now you've learned to stop picking your nose.
Have you stopped wearing diapers yet?
Why, did you want to borrow one?
I've heard you were a contemptible sneak.
Too bad no one's ever heard of YOU at all.
You're no match for my brains, you poor fool.
I'd be in real trouble if you ever used them.
You have the manners of a beggar.
I wanted to make sure you'd feel comfortable with me.
I'm not going to take your insolence sitting down!
Your hemorrhoids are flaring up again, eh?
There are no words for how disgusting you are.
Yes there are. You just never learned them.
I've spoken with apes more polite then you.
I'm glad to hear you attended your family reunion.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)